BREAKING: ALPACA ATTACKS CONTINUE; ASSAILANTS SOUGHT

By admin

We just received word from our correspondents in Ecuador that 24 alpacas were found shaved and disoriented on the outskirts of Quito. Details are scarce. We’ll update you as soon as we hear some new information.

UPDATE: An official press release has been issued regarding the 24 shaved alpacas. Read it after the break.

August 24, 2009

ALPACA ATTACKS CONTINUE; ASSAILANTS SOUGHT

Ecuadorian authorities confirmed yesterday’s reports regarding the discovery of 24 shaved alpacas found disoriented and wandering aimlessly on the outskirts of Quito by a team of investigative shepherds and renowned veterinarians.

Hairless and shivering in the early morning mountain air, the confused animals were immediately covered with woolen blankets and individually examined by an elite team of veterinarians flown to the South American country by the United Nations Council for Light Winter Garments.

According to one vet, who wished to remain anonymous, “The individual or group responsible for shaving these alpacas is a highly skilled revolutionary guerilla or group of guerillas. We are compiling evidence and we are composing a profile.”

When asked about the potential for continuing attacks, the vet declined to comment.

The current number of shaved alpacas is now 77. While authorities admit there seems to be no end in sight to the unwelcomed barbering, high-ranking officials are quick to remind local, national, and international alpaca fans to send any pertinent info to the Ecuadorian Office of Agricultural Investigation at eoai@ecuador.sa.net.

CONTACT: Jaime De Peluca 760-632-5617

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