B.A.R.F. Identifies Ancient Alpaca Relics in Chile

By admin

Matthew Modine Attempts Alpaca Séance to Postpone Extinction

SANTIAGO, CHILE — While scraping the soil for a new native Chihunya development project, a skip loader uncovered an ancient burial site. Work was immediately halted and crew chief and translator Umberto Harmonies immediately contacted officials at the Bicoastal Alpaca Research Foundation (BARF). “Judging from the contents of the burial pit, clearly this was a high level official or tribal leader” said Professor Jim Hornung, Provost and Chief Science Officer from the National Academy. He continued “Found were spiritual and totemic objects and small bone figurines, that’s my area of expertise.”

The professor identified them as alpaca and said they may have been used to communicate to the spirit world. Chairman of the Board and Executive Director of BARF, movie star Matthew Modine chimed in “If we could learn how to use these bone objects perhaps we too could commune with the spirit of the alpaca and gain insight into their extinction problem. Professor Hornung agreed. Mr. Modine had the objects sent to his Malibu estate for future study.