By admin
While flying on an acrobatic exercise, Matthew Modine, pilot, actor, and Executive Director of BARF discovered giant alpaca monoliths carved from volcanic rock on an isolated remote Island thousands of miles from nowhere. The uncharted Island, masked from radar by powerful magnetic fields was the home to sculptural alpaca carvings erupting from the earth in a symbolic gesture for the birthing of a new cosmic age. All facing east, and focused toward the tiny village of Coquimbo, on the Chilean coast thousands of kilometers away, these giant idols add to and amplify the enigma of the alpaca.
Celestial visitors with interplanetary travel capability? Government secret experiments? A race of super quadrupeds from another dimension? Many theories abound but none crystallize into an all encompassing answer to the larger questions which may be subject to speculation forever.
With funding from National Osographic Magazine, Mr. Modine will lead a team of the world’s top archeologists and Hollywood celebrities to research the site and collect samples for their gardens.
By admin
Calculate alpaca years into human years.
The formula is:
Alpaca years x human years x altitude in meters ÷ average length of edible pampas grass + yearly snow pack depth in July ÷ yearly growth of alpaca hair in centimeters = alpaca years translated into human years.
Simply reverse the formula to calculate your human years into alpaca years.
By admin
Wisdom of the Ages/He’s seen it all
South Americans celebrated the birthday of the world’s oldest living alpaca, Happy Pappy, who turned 140 in alpaca years on October 6, 2009 in the mountainous remote village of Hucumbreneezenexochub. Still standing on all four legs and able to chew his cud, Happy Pappy had absolutely no explanation as to the reason for his lengthy longevity and did not appear to be aware of his surroundings. Geriatric experts have reasoned that “He’s just living life to the fullest.”
Many so-called scientists have speculated that Happy Pappy’s environment has put him in danger. He could have been hit by a car or wagon, but that has not happened. He could have been crushed by a huge falling boulder, but that has not happened either.
Many things could have happened to Happy Pappy but they haven’t. Only one has and that is that he has lived. He’s a survivor. A celebration of sorts organized by BARF is planned for the aging alpaca.
By admin
Crowds at the 10th annual skate invitational held in the X-treme Sports Pavilion were shocked when competitors and seeded champions were upset by the extreme performance of a radical skating alpaca.
The alpaca, given the moniker “Skippy” by the cheering crowds came from behind and scored perfect numbers in all heats from preliminary rounds to the finals to win an impressive victory over defending champion ‘Shinbone” McHardhead, who was in dumbstruck admiration and shock from the previously unknown competitor’s show of skill and agility.
McHardhead said, “He’s really a radical oidical dude, no pads, no helmet and he pulls the most truly awesome, double ollie air 360 barrel roll with the grace of a four legged ballerina. He’s awesome!”
Sporting goods manufacturers Fastmetal, Billybomb and Tornwave are stumbling over themselves offering Skippy sponsorships and a line of personally labeled apparel and equipment.
