Welcome to SaveTheAlpacas.com, the most self-important cause on the web, brought to you by the Bicoastal Alpaca Research Foundation (BARF). Check out the “Who We Are” tab on the left to learn more about us or scroll down to join our alpaca photo contest, read some intriguing alpaca facts, check out any alpaca breaking news and watch our newest videos. As new celebrities join our cause, we’ll be updating our site regularly, so come visit us often. And in the meantime, act now! Join Matthew Modine and all his celebrity friends to help Save the Alpacas today. Click here to show your support.
Sep
2
Oct
13
October 2009, National Osographic Magazine
While flying on an acrobatic exercise, Matthew Modine, pilot, actor, and Executive Director of BARF discovered giant alpaca monoliths carved from volcanic rock on an isolated remote Island thousands of miles from nowhere. The uncharted Island, masked from radar by powerful magnetic fields was the home to sculptural alpaca carvings erupting from the earth in a symbolic gesture for the birthing of a new cosmic age. All facing east, and focused toward the tiny village of Coquimbo, on the Chilean coast thousands of kilometers away, these giant idols add to and amplify the enigma of the alpaca.
Celestial visitors with interplanetary travel capability? Government secret experiments? A race of super quadrupeds from another dimension? Many theories abound but none crystallize into an all encompassing answer to the larger questions which may be subject to speculation forever.
With funding from National Osographic Magazine, Mr. Modine will lead a team of the world’s top archeologists and Hollywood celebrities to research the site and collect samples for their gardens.
Oct
12
Fun Alpaca Brain Teaser
Calculate alpaca years into human years.
The formula is:
Alpaca years x human years x altitude in meters ÷ average length of edible pampas grass + yearly snow pack depth in July ÷ yearly growth of alpaca hair in centimeters = alpaca years translated into human years.
Simply reverse the formula to calculate your human years into alpaca years.
Oct
9
Happy Pappy, the World’s Oldest Alpaca
Wisdom of the Ages/He’s seen it all
South Americans celebrated the birthday of the world’s oldest living alpaca, Happy Pappy, who turned 140 in alpaca years on October 6, 2009 in the mountainous remote village of Hucumbreneezenexochub. Still standing on all four legs and able to chew his cud, Happy Pappy had absolutely no explanation as to the reason for his lengthy longevity and did not appear to be aware of his surroundings. Geriatric experts have reasoned that “He’s just living life to the fullest.”
Many so-called scientists have speculated that Happy Pappy’s environment has put him in danger. He could have been hit by a car or wagon, but that has not happened. He could have been crushed by a huge falling boulder, but that has not happened either.
Many things could have happened to Happy Pappy but they haven’t. Only one has and that is that he has lived. He’s a survivor. A celebration of sorts organized by BARF is planned for the aging alpaca.
Oct
7
New Skate Champion Rolls to Victory
Crowds at the 10th annual skate invitational held in the X-treme Sports Pavilion were shocked when competitors and seeded champions were upset by the extreme performance of a radical skating alpaca.
The alpaca, given the moniker “Skippy” by the cheering crowds came from behind and scored perfect numbers in all heats from preliminary rounds to the finals to win an impressive victory over defending champion ‘Shinbone” McHardhead, who was in dumbstruck admiration and shock from the previously unknown competitor’s show of skill and agility.
McHardhead said, “He’s really a radical oidical dude, no pads, no helmet and he pulls the most truly awesome, double ollie air 360 barrel roll with the grace of a four legged ballerina. He’s awesome!”
Sporting goods manufacturers Fastmetal, Billybomb and Tornwave are stumbling over themselves offering Skippy sponsorships and a line of personally labeled apparel and equipment.
Sep
17
Russian Chapter of STA Launches
The Bi-coastal Alpaca Research Foundation (BARF) is pleased to announce the newly formed Russian chapter of our foundation inspired by Eugene Levin, General Secretary, Chairman, President and First Secretary of the Central Committee of the Russian Chapter of BARF. Mr. Levin’s motivation is to share with the world how alpacas have suffered from Bolsheviks and KGB.
Classified photo submitted by the Russian chapter of BARF shows Russian Prime Minister Vladimir Putin preparing “Big Red” alpaca for future battle against American imperialists.
Sep
15
STA Support in San Diego
San Diego resident and BARF supporter Jim Babwe shows his support for our cause by spreading the word on a beautiful San Diego beach at sunset.
Sep
11
Save the Alpaca Supporters March Through Los Angeles
Save the Alpacas supporters have been in full force on the streets of Los Angeles. Efforts culminated with a strong effort by BARF’s own Chairman of the Board and celebrity movie star, Matthew Modine who led two of his furry friends and supporters through the streets of Westwood Village this week. The mission: to save the alpacas! The reason: well… we’ll get back to you on that one.
More photos after the break.
Read more »
Sep
7
HAIR STYLIST QUESTIONED IN ALPACA ATTACK
COQUIMBO, CHILE — A mysteriously shaved alpaca was reportedly seen running from the Bumba Hair and Pedicure Emporium in downtown Coquimbo early yesterday morning, stunning innocent bystanders who witnessed the partially shaved pack animal as it pranced across the towns Plaza Central and disappeared into the surrounding rough shrubbery.
Interviewed shortly after the sudden sighting, Salon proprietor Ms. Bumba admitted to the shaving, saying she read the flyer “Shave the Alpacas” and felt she could fulfill the cause’s plea with more style plus promote her business at the same time, adding, “The pedicure was a bonus, I had no intention of charging extra.”
Authorities declined to press charges against the puzzled Ms. Bumba and wrote off the matter as a simple misunderstanding. She was however cited with an official warning for violation of local statutes intended to discourage tasteless style statements. Citing in this case specifically, the bright pink nail polish accent to the double – necked poodle cut.
Bumba’s request to respond off the record was denied and as she walked away, she was overheard mumbling that she thought the alpaca looked really pretty and would attract a boyfriend easily.
Sep
4
From The Archives: Researchers Postulate that Alpacas are Alien
Inspired by this week’s discoveries of alpaca remains at the Geffen Playhouse and in Chile, we started digging thorough our own archives. We found this very interesting article from nearly 30 years ago.
Researchers Postulate that Alpacas are Alien
NASA Gains New Hope in Finding Life in Outer Space
PERU – SEPTEMBER 1980 — A relative of author Carlos Casteneda, Ms. Castinets, points out that the elongated neck of the alpaca gave them a clear line of sight over great distances. “That’s the only way those Nazca lines could possibly be made. Natives were just too… let’s say, height challenged to see that far.” Ms. Castinets goes on, “The aliens must have accidentally left a few behind and they quickly populated the area, however they were unable to fully adapt to our earth’s climate and their population is in a serious decline.”
Ms. Castinets has asked SETI (Search for Extra Terrestrial Intelligence) to send messages into space. She said, “Maybe if we call them, they will come back.”
Matthew Modine, movie star and Executive Director of the Bicoastal Alpaca Research Foundation (BARF) has commented, “That’s too bad about the alpaca, but it seems they never belonged here anyway.”
Steven Spielberg has purchased the rights to produce a feature film and feels it could be a blockbuster.
Mr. Modine is looking into writing the screenplay and perhaps starring in the leading role.
Sep
4
B.A.R.F. Identifies Ancient Alpaca Relics in Chile
Matthew Modine Attempts Alpaca Séance to Postpone Extinction
SANTIAGO, CHILE — While scraping the soil for a new native Chihunya development project, a skip loader uncovered an ancient burial site. Work was immediately halted and crew chief and translator Umberto Harmonies immediately contacted officials at the Bicoastal Alpaca Research Foundation (BARF). “Judging from the contents of the burial pit, clearly this was a high level official or tribal leader” said Professor Jim Hornung, Provost and Chief Science Officer from the National Academy. He continued “Found were spiritual and totemic objects and small bone figurines, that’s my area of expertise.”
The professor identified them as alpaca and said they may have been used to communicate to the spirit world. Chairman of the Board and Executive Director of BARF, movie star Matthew Modine chimed in “If we could learn how to use these bone objects perhaps we too could commune with the spirit of the alpaca and gain insight into their extinction problem. Professor Hornung agreed. Mr. Modine had the objects sent to his Malibu estate for future study.